put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
