if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize