the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
