i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
