I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
