Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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