...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
