If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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