Life is so much better after having sex.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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