What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
