he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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