Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
