She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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