Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
As shirtless as possible
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
