theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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