I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
