a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Send help, water and tortillas.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
