it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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