all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
