I wanna passion pit in your ass
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
This baby is an asshole
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
