she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
What happened to fro yo and sex?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
