The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
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