Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
