apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
