You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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