you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
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