remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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