how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
