At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
