Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
