In the future we'll all be gay
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
