I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize