I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
