its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
