youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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