I CAN MOONWALK!
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
