I hate your face
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
