normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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