please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
