the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
