You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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