I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
