tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
