Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
COCAINE IS GR8
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
