um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Floor bacon is actually really good
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize