Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize