Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
3 2 1 whiskey
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
