If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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