She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
