How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Randomize
