I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
