I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize