yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
