So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Such a big mess for such a small penis
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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