Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
