A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
