I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
