Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
