we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
