sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
