we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
