I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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