I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
