is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
