Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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