i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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