note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
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