So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
