I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
