I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
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