I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
