i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
